Building Bonds with Step Children

'It's a completely different relationship, but that doesn't mean it's not a loving one'

If you've already met your step-children and have started developing a relationship with them, keep reading for tips on how to build those bonds further. If you are yet to meet them, here are a few hints:

• You do not need to be best friends straight away. Although it would be nice to 'click' this cannot always happen. This is something you can work on.

• Let the child or children set the pace for the meeting. You want to seem like their friend not their teacher.

• A child may be expecting not to like you. However, it is the situation that they've been put in that they don't like, so try not to take any resentment personally.

• Try to find common ground. For example, ask them what their favourite food is and tell them yours. Don't expect to get to know them without them getting to know you.

• Most importantly be interested in them and what they have to say.

Building family bonds takes time and effort and will not happen overnight. Many step-parents with the best intentions can have difficulty trying to form this relationship. Here are some tips if you find yourself struggling:

• Try to remember that the changes the family are going through can be traumatic and unsettling for children.

• Reassure them that you are not trying to replace their other parent, you are just becoming an additional member of the family.

• Understand that the child may resent you and think of you as the reason the other parent is not around. These feelings could be held openly or secretly, however, try not to take them personally. The situation needs patience and understanding.

• Communicate with your spouse on issues. If you have any disagreements, try to air them in private away from the children. If the children view you and your partner as a unit together they are more likely to feel settled.

• Be natural and be yourself. Do not try to be a super-parent.

It is important that you take the time to get to know your step-children individually. This can help you find out the things you have in common and arrange activities similar to those interests. Activities can create a fun, welcoming environment and this can encourage a positive relationship to develop. These could include:

• going to the park together;

• playing football in the garden;

• shopping together;

• lunch out;

• day trips (to the beach or museums);

• and eating breakfast or dinner together every day.

Activities do not need to be expensive or extravagant holidays. Step-children will respond to and enjoy things that focus on their interests. It is important that you also let your child or children have time to relax and see their friends and also time to think about the changes the family is going through.

Parentchannel.tv video

The modern family can change and grow in ways we don’t always know how to plan for. If you're thinking of introducing a new partner to your children, Parentchannel.tv have produced a video offering some helpful tips on how to handle the change, making the whole process a bit easier for everyone.

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